On Doubt and Self-Doubt
And The Quote No One Has Ever Heard Of
Doubt is the best armor against the unimaginative.
Senior year of high school was the most exciting time in my life. For me, prom photos and dorm room shopping were secondary attractions. My main source of excitement was the snail mail arriving on my doorstep, almost every day.
It didn’t matter that the mail came from colleges and universities trying to cajole me to enroll for the fall. I didn’t care about the content of the mail. It was the medium. I wanted to tear open an envelope, look at the contents, and then add the sheet of paper to my pile.
Then, a college I didn’t apply to sent me a postcard with this quote on it. Doubt is the best armor against the unimaginative.
There is plenty of doubt to go around during college admission season. I had doubted myself throughout the college application process. I doubted I was good enough to go to the schools I was applying to. I doubted that I would like the school once I got there. I doubted that I had picked the right major. Most of all, I doubted that I was going to make any friends.
Imposter syndrome is extreme self-doubt. It is the doubt most people are familiar with since we spend most of our time preoccupied with our thoughts. I would go so far as to say a moderate dose of self-doubt for a creative person is a sign you are on the right track. Feeling like you don’t measure up is a sign that you understand the expectations set in front of you.
I figured the quote was either a cryptic message or entirely meaningless. I hung it on my wall. My quest was this: to discover who said it first and what the quote meant.
There are times I doubt that postcard ever existed. That summer I left for college and promptly forgot about it. The world changed in those four years. At times, I found myself surprised by the course of global events. Then, my senior year ended abruptly, impossibly, during March of 2020.
I try not to be surprised by anything anymore. When someone tells me something will always be done a certain way, because it has always been done a certain way, I remind myself about the quote. I doubt.
So, when embarking on something new, take note of your surroundings. Every day we’re on the edge of a precipice.
